My Shy Lover


No, he is not a fool. I know he is not  a fool. Though he behaves eerie at times, still he is not a fool.

A guy i met long ago. So far away in time that i don’t even remember when. But he met me when my imagination became aware of its wings and was struggling for its first flight.
My shy lover is a self made man. Takes no help from anyone. He believes in doing things on his own. His deep voice scares me at times and soothes the wounds i received from this big bad world. His hands are way too big, but i wonder how easily my palms fit into his. His eyes are dark and deep, they speak of his love all the time. I always see my picture in his eyes, because there is nowhere else he looks in the crowd.
But he keeps hiding all the time. He always wants me to notice him and when i do, he just runs away, fearing that i may know about his feelings. He sparks at the slightest blow directed towards me and finds it to be his duty to save me. But when it was time to thank him for his concern, he bluntly dissed my ‘thanks’ and went away.
My shy lover is scared to confront me on emotional grounds. But when he dances with me, his whole existence tells me that his heart is rejoicing and wants the moment to last forever. I start shivering in the heat of the moment, but somehow he maintains his calm on the outside, looking like a statue of Zeus carved from a huge mountain. Somewhere inside this stony exterior, i know life exists.
He is too fed up of the world. He thinks he is just a shadow that follows my light. So after years of knowing him like this, i thought, maybe we can go ahead, maybe we can try. Two people, more headstrong and stubborn than anyone else you have known, more tender and fragile hearts than the ones you have ever heard of, more in love than all the people you have seen.
So i decided to let my stubborn armor down. I decided to talk to him. i went to him not once, but thrice. Every time he ran away, every time he rudely broke the conversation in between saying, ‘i don’t know what you are talking about’. A reaction i was prepared for.
But thankfully now he gathered some courage. He started opening up to me. Yeah, we spent some evening talking about his childhood, his career, his family his friends. And one fine day, i entered his personal space. A place that no one else had been to before. It was more than what he had thought. more than he was prepared for. A man i had always known to be confident and who always had an edge in every sentence that he spoke, every word he uttered, fumbled in front of me. Yes, i was too close to his heart, too close to his soul.
Who can imagine what relief he got. A thunderous river was being stopped a huge dam and now the walls broke. She was flowing down her natural course. She was flowing through his heart, he finally felt alive.
Though my shy lover comes in front of me now, completely unarmed to battle my advances, he is still a little scared. Afraid of losing me. He thinks he has a dark interior which i will not appreciate. He thinks its better not to have, than have and lose it forever. My exploration is still on and the long practiced expression of scowl still rules his face when i read his mind, but its altogether different. Now he smiles at times when i am not looking at him.

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