on being overweight… and independent

(WARNING from the writer – This blog post may not contain suitable material for all. May contain a few ‘bad words’. Entirely the flow of thoughts as they came. Dont blame me. Please use your discretion.)

so whats the problem in being overweight. i am one myself. and honestly i don’t have any issues with my body image. in fact i love myself, my chubby cheeks and the fleshy body. so what is wrong with the people around me. i believe its me who possesses my body. then why do you have a problem if i am overweight?

it hurts me a lot. people think that all those who are overweight are culprits who should be sent to jail because all they do it eat, eat and eat all through their lives. why do you not understand that it can be because of a certain medical condition. why do i have to pass through eyes that judge the way i look or behave. you are a visual society. it is your duty to do so i guess.

why do you have a problem if i don’t believe in making boyfriends. why should i be picking out the first guy that comes my way and pretend to love him? why do you think i should be taught a lesson on morality and Indian culture and ‘sanskar’ if i don’t want to get married right now or if i don’t believe that virginity is a taboo? why do u care if i don’t dress up the way you want me to? why do u think that wearing sweat shirts instead of shawls is too manly and walking tall and straight, looking the world into the eye is bad? is it because i am overweight or is it because i am a girl?

who are you to decide the standards of beauty and attraction? who says curves are bad? i am aware of my weight and i understand that i have to lose a few pounds because this is what my doctor advised me. but, when you come and say things that prick my heart, i grow rebellious and then i want to gain more weight, be more successful and spit your words back on your face. i get angry and i want to prove to you all that i ll get my goal without changing me an inch and show you that you are wrong, and you need to get a brainwash. you are a sick society, bound to perish.

yes, i want to tell you that you are not the people who will decide my destiny. i wont be able to achieve any physical target unless i am emotionally and mentally working towards it. just think for once, if u want to mix sugar in your cup of tea, but mistakenly mix salt, will it be what you are looking for. if i mentally want to go against you then how will i be able to affirm to your wonderful bastardy? if i get slim today you will appreciate me for a moment. then you will have a problem with me being anorexic. then you will call me a rebel. then you would say something else, then something else. i guess, all you have to do is speak of evil because you serve the devil and wash his feet to quench your evergreen thirst of bad, negative and servile acts.

i want to thrash your bloody self when you tell me that i am beautiful, but if i just reduce some weight….. does beauty come with conditions? i get mad when you tell me that i will look good only when i do something or the other. why? do you always look for flaws in a person? do you think that if i am not able to attract the best guys in town with the ‘Latka Jhatka’ i am expected to perform, i am a failure? do you think that if i dont marry and have children, i am not a woman? do u want me to believe that i am nothing if i do not look good according to your standards?

who said 36-24-36 were the most desirable vital stats. do you ever realize how pathetic a woman looks that way? what the hell is wrong if i prefer to wear glasses and not contact lenses, because that way i will look beautiful according to your standards? why should i wear stilettos and not shoes, because it suits your standards. leave about physical attributes. you also have a problem with my thoughts.

you dont like it if i dont feel comfortable in doing a job under that stupid jackass who listens to me, ignores me and then puts the same words back in my mouth pretending as if they were his own? why on earth should i earn ‘x’ amount of money when i know that i can earn double. why should i always listen to the elders? they are not always right. why should i always understand you? why should i not dream high when i know i can turn them to reality? why do you laugh when i tell you that i am reading ramayana these days? why do u mock me when i tell you that there is nothing wrong with masturbation or with twisted romantic relationships? why do u think i am mad when i tell you that i have some project in mind that will help your diseased, handicapped,  crippled, dishonest, perverted society full of hypocrites who fuck their own daughters in darkness, humiliate them, cheat on their wives, disrespect their parents, evade taxes and then start their age old cries, saying that is world is moving towards an end. why??? do you think that ‘navratri’ or ‘mahashivratri’ or other such fasting purifies you…??? no, you are wrong, you are wrong when you think that god is not watching when you perform evil in a dark room.

maybe i ll keep on writing the whole day long because there is so much more to say. But i think it is enough for now. will write more in subsequent posts.  whatever you may think about me, please know that i am here to fly on my own. i ll fly, i ll fall, i ll make my own mistakes, i ll have my own achievements… i have my own sky, that is not burdened by your lies and pomp. and please leave me alone.


One Comment Add yours

  1. sonali says:

    I liked it! And i agree with what you are saying in this post

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