Death of Feelings


It was supposed to be a good night. I was away from the burden of responsibilities. Listening to songs about friendship and love. I wanted to tell someone that he is always remembered, cared for and loved, no matter what. It was a fateful night. I was really very happy. I remember the jinx … it said that the mountains of my happiness will always be met with immediate troughs of sadness and pain. Oh! Why did I forget it that night?

I was lying happily on my bed, just happy to be alone. It was a quite recluse I had been dying for. Soft breeze, light rain showers, a little colder weather… hmmm… it was exactly what i enjoy the most. I had just finished reading a book and I was wondering how life moves like a storybook… ups and downs. It was at that time that I saw a happy face right in front of me. I was elated. It was the result of what I had been trying to do for years. I wanted to see my friend happy with me. I cannot forget the tone of voice, the way we talked…. nothing at all….

Suddenly… an arrow came and pierced my heart. I could feel it moving through my flesh, breaking my ribs and killing me. I was killed yet. Another blow from another direction. Oh no! Not again. I am helpless… all my defenses were down. I was alone and helpless… my flesh was being torn to pieces…. wait… where is my friend? Why is my friend not to be found? Why do I see hatred and contempt instead of love? Why is all that I did for you forgotten? Why…. oh! Another arrow… I am not dead yet…..

What did not kill me, made me weaker by each passing moment. I had fallen to the ground. My eyes were half closed. Why did I not try to protect myself? Which side of me was it that appeared so sweet and tender? Why was I dressed in the purity of white and why could I see bloodstains turning my dress red? What was happening? Why am I not dead yet…?

The arrows were not enough… They brought the axe…. who were these dark creatures of the night? Why did they wish to kill me? Another blow… another strike… I could feel my heart… taken away and splattered into pieces… I was crying in pain…. help me someone….. Why am I not crying for help… why am I still saying sweet words to the smiling face I saw a while ago?

Where did he vanish… I cannot breathe…. oh! Now I understood… red is the color of love… I had been colored in love with that bloodshed…. I heard my sister’s wail… I gathered my strength… i am not dead yet… i tried to move towards the door… those creatures had left it open… i moved somehow… i saw her sitting in the gallery… shocked at my state… her name was sanity… she called my cousin humanity, smile, love and tenderness….they were not to be found…. i appears that they were forced to flee or hide in the dark basement or they might have got killed…

Sanity is crying…I am laughing… I laughed and I died laughing…. sanity lost her mind…. she is now under the protection of workaholism and feels better…..

What dream was that?

I woke up at 3 am in the morning… what is this throbbing pain in my heart… why cant I breathe… why is ‘feelings’ dead? Who killed her? Who condemned her to such a violent death?  I tried to remember… that sweet face came to my mind again… oh what a face it was… I had loved it once…  he hates me now.

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