Won’t Let You Go, Not Yet


So why do you want to go? Why do you wish to leave?

I am too far to ask a question and my ears are too far away to hear an answer… Why do you go? I still love you… like I always did.

I miss you on the nights when I am alone and cannot call you… I am afraid to pick the phone and dial your number. I am scared you would not reply to my messages. You always have, I know… but what if i don’t get a reply next time?

I wanted to tell you that I love you and how many times did I not pick up my bag and try to reach you… I have chains that bind me to this dungeon… i am caged and i cannot even fly… i do not want to die as i want to see your face again… i want to be in your arms again… i do not wish to let you go… but then, when were you mine? I know you have always been, but what if I try and you refuse…?

The pain stabs me… with each passing moment it becomes deeper… i am scared you would not love me back… please tell me that you would… tell me that i am not diving alone… come face to face.. Hold my hand and tell me that you love me… why don’t you do that… once you do, trust me i would leave the whole world and be only yours….

I am not who you think I am… you know me so well… why don’t you see this simple emotion clearly… I am afraid… take me with you… I am suffering… end my life if you please…just don’t go. I want you to be here… no matter how far, it gives me a sense of being complete… I feel that I am not alone… I love talking about the times that we had spent together… i love to replay all these incidents in my mind, without giving a damn to where life has taken us…

No… You don’t have the right to detangle yourself from me… I am here to be with you. I will do everything that I can to keep you smiling. I will take any pain if you are here with me. I know your life is different than mine and I know that we can’t be in each other’s vicinity for long. You have to live your life, just as I did. You need to find your goals, your destination….

But just don’t go. Don’t snatch the comfort of having you as a friend. You can go anywhere you like. Just call me someday when you are alone. Remember me whenever you pass through all the places that we have been together… just don’t desert those places yet… I know it… i know we will be back together… happier, merrier… I know what the future has in store for us… we will meet…

But don’t go… every time you say that… i get a wound in my heart that i will never be able to recover from.. Every time you tell me that we will not be together anymore… I have to piece myself back to fake a smile and wish you luck for your future…. I won’t cling to you… I would let you go… just don’t tell me that you have to go… i would only cling to your memories as i know that you don’t have any access to them… you will have to be back… this world is a small place…

Go ahead… do whatever you wish to do… enjoy all the pleasure of life that you can… toil, work hard, rise and fall… I know every time it happens to you… you would think of me… leave if you wish to… go away… you know this friend of yours has a part of you and you know you have a part of me… i know you will leave and i know you will be back… so why should i be scared… it’s not the end… but i don’t know what on earth it is…. I just can’t take it… this is a bad idea.. Drop it… come lets be united again…

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