A 1000 Times More Beautiful


It happened very long ago and I suddenly remembered the incident that was buried in my heart for all these years. I was not intending to remember it but my heart is not too good at building a dam on hurtful things that I have heard till date. Keeping it buried for too long would have hurt me more so this needs to come out.

So a very long time ago, I knew this guy. I would not go into the details of how I know him and why he said what he said but whatever he suggested confused me. It hurt me for sure but it confused me more. He told me that he was seeing a girl who was ‘a 1000 times more beautiful than me’. My response was a cold and confused ‘oh!’ It did not come with a sigh. My mind was blocked completely after he uttered these words. I do not remember what he said next. I don’t remember how and when I hung up the phone. I kept thinking for a few minutes, lying on my bed and staring at the fan, quietly rotating above my head. Then I buried those words, forever, so I do not find them for a lifetime.

So what was I thinking for those 10 minutes?

He said that she was a 1000 times more beautiful… a 1000 times. So, on a scale of beauty, if she stood on a 1000, I was… I scored a mere, meagre, small and insignificant 1. Just 1. Oh! So that was the thing. I was not beautiful, not even close to being beautiful. Did he say it on purpose? Did he wish for me to feel humiliated? Was it just a chance remark?

 

I knew that I was not one of the prettiest faces around but I thought my face was good enough. Not that bad, just average if nothing else. The shape of my face, the complexion of my skin, the way my lips pouted just a little naturally and the way my hair was neither black nor brown, neither straight nor curly… I thought these things were unique and even if I don’t appeal to people’s beauty standards, I would at least not be overlooked. I was not ugly.

But a score of 1? It all starts at 0 and I scored just 1. Why? I could have scored better. How does she look? Now that he has told me my score, I know what 1 looks like. I want to know what a 1000 looks like. Maybe she is… I don’t know. 

 

I started rating women and girls I knew…

What would her score be? Maybe 10. And what about that girl…? Umm… maybe a 100… no maybe 200. Yeah! She is so strikingly beautiful. She just drives men crazy. No… No… she must be a 500. I am wrong. 

 

Strange, he was using my face as a standard of beauty. Like I was a Lego brick. He had to keep 999 more of ‘me’ to define that 1 girl because she was a 1000 times more beautiful… yes, a 1000 times.

Shame! Just 1? I should have paid more attention to myself. I should have read beauty magazines instead of literature. I should have worked hard on my body instead of working hard on ‘being someone’. I am a girl. No one cares if I have a career or if I am successful but people do care about my beauty. I should have paid attention. How could I do such injustice to myself? How could I ignore it? Why do I not apply mascara? Why are my eyes adorned with large nerdy glasses instead of beautiful and thick lashes and some beautiful kohl to make those eyes… those eyes look more beautiful…? I could have scored at least a 100. 

 

What is strange about this? Nothing. Suddenly, I heard someone knocking. It was the courier boy. He had brought some books. Oh! I finally got a coffee table book about Hindu Gods! Not that I am super religious, but I find mythology interesting. My brain started processing his remarks as ‘junk’ while I was busy checking out the books and see how I remember these things now…

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Bhavika says:

    This made me feel upset for you. Nobody deserves to be spoken to like that. If thinks you are a 1 then there will be someone out there who thinks you are a 1000. I personally think women shouldn’t be scored but if that’s what is trendy nowadays then that is my only response. You handled the situation in a dignified manner and all your questions afterwards are justified. Don’t worry about it too much because the unique qualities you named about yourself are qualities another appreciative person will notice.

    P.S. More power to all us glasses women! Aha

    1. hey Bhavika… don’t feel upset for me coz I don’t feel upset for myself. But yes, questions do arise… what is beauty and how do you define it? The question is not about what he said, the question is whether beauty in women is all that matters and if it is so… how do you define or measure beauty? What is the criteria? That is what the post it about. That guy was ‘dealt with’ in my ‘unique’ way coz women with glasses have power… Cheers!!

      1. Bhavika says:

        It was very touching though hence my comment above.
        If that was the message of your post then I don’t think there is a specific way you can define or measure beauty as it is very objective. You cannot define it as everyone has their own opinion on it. Guess that would mean there is no criteria.

        1. exactly my point. There is no criteria but the world we are living in likes to create ‘standards of beauty’ and most women don’t fit in. What I felt for 10 minutes could be being felt by thousands of women, throughout their lifetime. They are being made to feel inadequate, they are being made to feel like they need to ‘do something’ to ‘improve’. That is not true. Like you said and we both believe, beauty cannot be measured. Every person has a different outlook and shoving a popular opinion down anyone’s throat would not work. What this guy said was a remark that he never even realized he spoke. He only spoke what is being fed to him and many more women and men around. Now this boy is an adult (all grown up, not a part of the herd) and his views have changed like crazy. Probably, that is what we all need to become. We need to let people be. All of us are beautiful.

          1. Bhavika says:

            I’ve found that it’s become so common for popular opinions to be shoved down everyone’s throats even when they do not understand them. But I guess that’s what comes with the positives of the rise and power of the expanding social media.

            I guess we all are a product of what society has influenced us to be. His statement tells us a lot about society. The fact that he has changed his views also says a lot. Think more people voicing how idiotic it is for the creation of ‘standards of beauty’ like yourself will stir discussion and persuade more people like him to change their views. Thanks for sharing this story.

            1. And thank you so much Bhavika for sharing your views. I cherish the words you have written

              1. Bhavika says:

                You’re welcome! I really enjoyed your writing in this post and some of your others. 🙂

                1. that makes me happy at an odd hour 🙂 thank you

                  1. Bhavika says:

                    Haha just letting you know that you have great work. Keep it up!

  2. Bhavika says:

    If someone thinks*

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