Now before everyone who is reading this starts feeling offended, I want to claim that I have practically nothing to do with your personal choices. You have the right to exercise whatever you like and I may also have the right to comment or observe or even contemplate as a sane member of the society- a writer.
I am writing this post almost feverishly, quite annoyed by the fact that my generation is going two steps back instead of one step forward. Now, you can call me a liberal. A girl educated in an English medium school (yes, that is often used as an insult) with a family that supports women’s careers before they start saving for their dowry, I was never someone who believed that finding a boy or getting married is the ultimate goal of my life. Of course, every girl has a thing for romantic notions but then I am talking about life’s calling, life’s ultimate goal.
As a 24 year old young woman who is almost touching the ‘silvery’ 25 next month, I am consistently being asked a question – ‘when are you getting married?’ I mean, seriously? Why do you even bother? My family, even my distant relatives, are not bothered about it. But yes, people I know outside these two circles are posing a question. A couple of years ago, all we were bothered about was ‘who gets the best job?’ and look at what is happening today, all that we are concerned about is marriage.
Now people say that there is a ‘right age’ for getting married and that you should not be waiting for too long. One of my friends even suggested that getting married and pregnant before you are 25 is a better option as a female’s eggs start to mutate after a particular age. All scientific thing. On the other hand, there is a societal notion that getting married soon and having babies before you are, say 26-27, is better. I hope all of them are correct and I also hope that it is okay to get married around 25 but I feel so uncomfortable about this whole idea of marriage. I believe it is a sacred institution and I also believe we are making a joke out of it.
So girls around me are getting married or are getting desperate about marriage. Some of them are choosing whatever the best they can afford at the moment while others who always believed in fairy tale romances are now looking for a groom who could sustain a family. Men are being judged on their ability to earn and women are being judged on their beauty and the income of their fathers. YES! Come on, we all know it.
It looks like someone has hit a panic button in these women because of which they are going totally crazy about getting married. I don’t know if they really want to get married or not. I am not even sure that girls who suggest that they want to ‘WORK AND EARN’ are secretly wishing they found a ‘well-settled’ husband and live a comfortable life with him or not. I am not sure at all.
I believed that we were growing up in a generation where age was no restriction or even a compulsion for marriage. I thought that I could take my time, get a good career and earn and also find a man I really want to be with instead of just getting married to whoever looks like a ‘good catch’. Now, everywhere I look, I find cool 30 something guys who want to hang out with like-minded women but have a wife and children at home.
I find 30 something women who tell me that they once had ‘this ambition, that wish’ that could not be fulfilled because they got married. Strange thing is that none of these people were married against their wish. All of them had a very lavish and happy marriage ceremony, yes ceremony. I am not talking about a happy marriage because I hardly know a thing about their relationships. They tell me that they are stressed but they also ask me to get married. Hmmm…
I don’t feel awkward when girls my age, my cousin sisters and even my friends get married. It is all cool you know. You make a decision and you think that you could be happy with it, so you go for it. No hard feelings. But, I feel extremely awkward and totally uncomfortable when I see these young women adopting the full names of their husbands. How? okay, let’s pick up two very common names here, all fictitious of course.
The girl’s name is Neha Verma and the boy’s name is Ajay Sharma. There was this trend where girls used to get rid of their maiden surname totally and use their husband’s family name instead. Like if the girl in my example got married, she would be called Neha Sharma. Okay, fine. I can digest. Cool.
Then there came a trend where girls refused to drop their maiden surname but did not mind adding their husband’s family name. So in the second case, the girl will be called Neha Verma Sharma. Yeah! Sounds funny but that is it. Fine. I can still digest.
Then came this weird trend of adopting the full names of their husbands. In this example, the girl would be called Neha Ajay Sharma.
I know some people will claim that this is the traditional way that a woman should use the name of her husband, blah blah blah! But I personally feel very offended. No I am not a feminazi but come on girls, I hope life was better than that. My Facebook timeline is filled with women who have changed their names this way and it is as annoying as it could be.
It is like losing your identity. Yes, you love your husband. I understand that. But what way is this to show love, women? I am really annoyed with posts like ‘my first karvachauth with my dear hubby’.
Were we not raised to be women who loved their husbands dearly but knew that fasting for one day is no show of love and never, ever enhances their longevity in any given case?
Were we not raised to be women who knew that we could happily balance work and life if we wanted to?
Were we not made to believe that we have an identity?
I feel sick of these karvachauths. I feel tired of these elaborate displays of affection. I am genuinely scared of the kind of love that we are spreading in this generation. I feel deeply saddened that we are living a life that depends on Facebook and Instagram likes.