Independent Isn’t Slutty


Living alone?

Single?

In a big city, away from home?

Don’t believe in rituals and traditions?

Not the solah-somvar types?

I know who you are. You are an independent girl and an independent girl must certainly be ready to open her legs the first chance she gets.

Sounds rude, doesn’t it? I know it gets difficult to ensure that anything good is happening in your life with prying eyes all around you ensuring that they find one clue, just one clue which can label you a slut.

This may sound crazy and I may also sound like a feminazi, a prude who does not understand how society functions. Nonetheless, I would still like to maintain my point here. All women who are independent (in the true sense of the word) are not sluts and there is no point in labeling them so.

What you understand from everyday life is that many people around you, specially men who are seeking new thrills in life and are totally bored with their housewives (I include homemakers as well as working women who come back home only to feed their families and wash their god-darned clothes), are on a lookout. They have a very specific way of talking to you. They admire everything that you do, whether in words or in their mind. They would tell you how much better you are as compared to their forever fasting, forever cleaning, forever cooking wives- a way in which we, as a society, have learnt to pit women against each other in order to get our work done.

Yes, they know that you don’t necessarily like doing all the household chores. So they tell you that you are better than the woman who does all this. They keep using this word ‘independent’ so often that it loses its meaning. Now, independent only means what they think it means. It means a liberal girl who does not feel like she can fit into the societal molds and who would certainly be an easier option for sex. You know, if she can eat non-veg during Navratri she must definitely not mind some pre-marital or extra-marital sex.

This behavior is parasitic if nothing else. You base the self esteem of a person and her image depending on her desirability as a sexual partner. Then you use words to beef up her ego that she is better than everyone else. Trust me, some guys actually believe that no two women could be friends and are always jealous of each other. They think this is basic female psyche that they are always jealous of the each other and they think it could be used to their advantage.

This, considering the destination, could be a downward slope but if we only restrict it to the level of flattery to get an ego boost, well…

There is an increasing number of men telling you that they don’t mind if you have a boyfriend or married. They adore and want a piece of the cake labelled with someone else’s name (gross line? I know).

Okay. Someone made a choice to live away from home. Someone made a choice to be on her own. So what? Is that someone doing it for sex? Only for sex? Our moralities are so closely bound to sex that I wonder if there would ever be an expression of romance that rightly fits our belief systems. You chose what you chose.

No. I am not being detrimental towards men. You will find the entire world ready to accept this theory, both men and women. No matter what one does, it is a matter of choice. Remember, one choice does not define other choices by the same person. Sunny Leone is beautiful and has a past that is not much discussed in homes openly but the fact that she is married for long just does not fit into our belief systems. They say, ‘are in logo mein to aisa chalta hai’.

The sweet, sweet notion of a playboy falling madly in love with a girl and living happily ever after melts like lead in my ears. Imagine if we just reversed the gender here. Will you still like the story? I mean, a girl is out and about and has many boyfriends and she suddenly falls head over heels for someone and lives happily ever after. Does that sound cool? Nah! We will stick to the first narrative.

A girl visiting a boy is fun and a boy visiting a girl is a moral issue. Does not really matter who the boy is. He could be anyone you know. Even a boyfriend. Even a small fling. Even a friend. Just anyone. You must remember the place that you live in, situation being the same, is ‘awww’ for the boys and ‘hawww’ for the girls. Being a prude? Being a feminazi? So be it.

So, you know, married women think they are better off than a woman who is unmarried but in a committed relationship – “at least he made it official”, they say.

Unmarried women in committed relationships think that they are better off than a woman who is just fooling around- ” at least I have a stable partner who cares for my feelings”, they say.

Those who fit in neither of these categories can write blog posts about independence is not about being slutty and how our choices are about our lives and our lives alone.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Interesting and we’ll written.

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